S has been growing up so fast. She’s about a year and a half now and it’s been fun and funny and exhausting. But it’s also been incredibly interesting to observe her changes and see her personality develop. Not just from a mom’s standpoint but from the perspective of simply being another human – thinking, there was a time when I was like this. There was a time when I couldn’t talk, when I was still unsteady on my feet.
And to see her cognitive development go from turning her ears towards the sound of my voice…to one day seeing the slight tilt of her head that makes me think maybe she understood what I just said…to suddenly one day showing me she understands by bringing me the diaper when I ask… to one day giggling as she runs away with the diaper I asked her to bring.  And now she’s telling me what she wants, in her really broke Konglish.
It makes me think alot about the cycle of life and at times, my own mortality. It makes me think about all the wonderful and horrible things that will happen to her as she grows up. It makes me hope that I am there to see her through them all. And it makes me think so much about my mom and how much she loves me and how lucky I am. It makes me wish my dad had been able to meet his granddaughter. And I now know, so this is how they felt about us, this unconditional love. And it makes me wish I had been a better daughter.  And I realize I can never love my mom as much as she loves me and S can never love me as much as I love her and that is how it’s meant to be.

And then I think, damn I’m getting old and thinking all these wistful thoughts. I must enjoy the now.